On National Coming Out Day, we celebrate the courage it takes to live openly and authentically as LGBTQ+. Coming out is never a single moment, it’s a journey, one that can span years or even decades. For many, that journey begins in fear but leads, in time, to freedom.
We hope you can find as much inspiration as we did in Nick’s story. A powerful reflection on growing up gay in a time when being himself was still criminalised, and on finally embracing his truth after a lifetime of silence.
Nick’s Story
“Like many young people, I began to feel ‘different’ when I was still quite young though I didn’t have a name for it then. As I grew a little older it began to strike me that this difference was something to be ashamed of and, besides, it was also illegal.
By the time I was 13 in 1980, I knew that I was gay and was told as much every day in the playground in the slurs directed at me. I tried to deny what I knew to be my truth but it wasn’t until the following year when Scotland followed the English decriminalisation of homosexuality in the year I was born. But with the age of consent at 21, I knew I could face prison for the crime of being myself.
As my teens passed, the twin threats to LGBTQ+ people – the Thatcher government and HIV – struck fear into my heart. At a time when many, bravely, came out and campaigned for our community, I retreated further and further into the closet. I denied my sexuality to anyone who asked – and a few did – and I denied the truth to myself.
In my early 20s I followed the well-worn path of frightened gay men into presenting as homophobic as a cover for my true self. I came to regret that deeply and became an ally but was never able to stop directing homophobia towards myself.
At Christmas 2023, the impact of 40+ years of suppression had become too much, for my health, my state of mind and I felt it was time to unravel a lifetime of denial.
I began to see a therapist and late in 2024 I was able to accept that I am gay. Earlier this year – at the age of 57 – I came out to my wife and to my son and I am gently and purposefully changing my life from the trauma of suppression to the joy of becoming my true self.
There is a way to go but I am on the path at last.
Over the years I have supported AKT because I feared that I may have found myself homeless and alone if I had been courageous enough to come out as a young person. I am ashamed that I was too weak to face the truth for so long. I hope the day will come when every LGBTQ+ person can thrive and be accepted without fear or shame.
Until then, thank heavens for all you do.”
Building Community Across Generations
Nick’s story is a poignant reminder that coming out is not always easy, and that every generation of LGBTQ+ people carries its own struggles, but more importantly its own strength. His journey shows the deep importance of visibility, compassion, and connection across generations.
At akt, we know that too many young LGBTQ+ people today still face rejection, homelessness, or fear when they come out. But we also know that when older generations share their stories, when they speak up with empathy and solidarity, they help build a world where no young person feels alone.
This National Coming Out Day, let’s celebrate those who have been able to come out and those waiting until they are ready. But more importantly, lets build safety and community for everyone to live safe and authentic lives.